smiling on foot

I had a birthday last Saturday and it was a lot better than I planned. Mostly because I had initially planned to do nothing. I was going to let 33 just slide by with maybe the normal joint birthday celebration with my brother whose birthday is the day after mine (but 12 years earlier than my birth). My brother surprised me with a special phone call a few weeks before the big birthday weekend to make some plans. We didn’t do the big celebration together last year since I spent the weekend with my girlfriends at JBP’s former Cape Cod pad instead. I figured he could have the family birthday fun night to himself for that year. Good thing, though, because my brother’s son (my nephew) initiated a strong upheaval amongst the Hull locals that resulted in a parking lot brawl… and my mother trying to defend him with her words. ::Sigh:: Anyway, I was pretty touched that it was important to my brother that I was able to attend the joint celebration this year, but a little nervous that similar shenanigans would resurface. Regardless, it was decided that the family would meet at the local Chinese restaurant/bar for some karaoke, drinks and cupcakes the Friday before our birthdays. I invited NF, AMR, Bykfam and Bykfam’s sister to join me in case I needed to pretend to not know my relations. Thankfully, everyone behaved themselves and such measures were not taken.

Also around that time, I was emailing with HEKD about not wanting to do anything for my birthday. She offered to bring back the “girl dinner” so all the usual attendees could bring a dish to her home and maybe there will be some cake and candles for me. How could I refuse? I do so love a girl dinner. Since I currently do not have a home of my own, the girl dinner has definitely become few and far between. A low-key night with 5 of my closest girlfriends (and HEKD’s coworker who I never met before) was just perfect. I received many thoughtful birthday cards and presents. RB drove all the way east and forced HEKD to purchase basic baking supplies to make my fabulous smiley face cake. So I had family fun karoake night on the 29th (with no parking lot fights) and girl dinner fun night (also no parking lot fights) on the 30th. All in all, it was a nice birthday weekend (with absolutely no parking lot fights to speak of – phew!).

HEKD is making fun of me because I was making fun of her choice of framed photos in her new house… every one of them a pic of her and her husband.  I told her, “We get it – you’re in looooove!”  What’s funny is that we then suddenly realized I have not appeared in any framed photos of hers during the entire decade of our friendship.  Then we thought back to the condo she lived in for about 6 years and confirmed that there were no framed photos of me on display at that place either.  I noted that she did have a framed photo of her friend LC and her husband MC on their wedding day… she used to have a framed photo of her and the tall one… and she has a framed photo of her with another girl she’s friends with (but she says it was a gift from that girl so I can’t be mad at that).  The point is, all these people aren’t as important as me and yet I have no presence in her house!  HEKD says she is working on a shrine in my honor if it will keep me happy. Well, it’s a start. Next, she will need to be sincere about worshiping it.

Then I was thinking about it some more and I don’t think any of my friends have framed photos of me in their living quarters… unless you count a photo of KDM, AMR and I on prom night in 1995 that is on display at AMR and Bykfam’s house.  If I am wrong, please let me know to help ease my mind. But even though my living space has decreased from a 2 BR apt. to just a single room within my parents’ house… I have pics of my friends all over! In fact, you would think I was in love with HEKD with amount of photos I have framed of her… at Vegas, at her wedding, at the cheesecake factory, etc.  AMR, RB, Bykfam, JBP, Xtina… they all are there on display so I can look at them lovingly and look forward to the next time I see them. The realization that no one does this for me is frankly devastating. Xtina doesn’t even have my 4th grade picture on display at her desk anymore.  :(  I’m feelin’ the non-love today. I see how it is.

On a related note… I have two very talented friends. One is a fiend at knitting and the other is a creative artist. Do you think either of them has ever made anything for me? Hellz no! I’ve been very good friends with them for years and watched with sadness as they’ve made project after project for every one else they know and nothing ever for me. What’s up that? Is it crass to complain about not receiving homemade gifts produced from their talents?  Probably. Are we close enough friends that they’ll think it’s funny? Likely. Have I been such a good friend that I deserve a homemade gift? You know it’s true. If I dote on my framed photos of my friends as much as I do, just think how much I’d adore your homemade gift! But don’t drop everything and make me something just because I’m sobbing every night at my multiple unrequited loves. I’ll survive. Don’t worry about me. But HEKD, I’m following up with you this weekend to see how the shrine is coming.

I sent this to a friend recently regarding someone we know’s recent (failed) endeavor of living independently. If only this person had come to me, I could have helped her situation with my experience, fo’ shiz. My friend suggested I post this list to the blog so everyone can learn from these tips and have more successful attempts at making it on their own. Because, after all, I am such an expert… <insert maniacal laughter here>. Perhaps this top ten list should really be named “Top Ten Tips on how to end up living with your parents to make up for your financial sins.” Here is a better version of the initial list I sent to my friend… the ketchup part is my favorite… hee hee. So reminiscent this week!

1) Charge your groceries and save your money for fun nights out and beer. The #1 golden rule is to never turn down a guaranteed fun night out because of $$. There are always credit cards to fall back on if need be.

2) Only eat french toast, grilled cheese, fried egg sandwiches and any other combination of bread, eggs and cheese for dinner for at least 2 weeks of the month. (at least.)

3) Don’t ever turn on the heat… electric blankets are okay… but if you can stay at the warmer parents, friend or boyfriend’s house on the weekends, it saves $$. (Plus, you can eat their food… and maybe even bring home leftovers.)

4) Charge any meals and even random morning ice cream cones at McDonald’s. They will gladly charge up a one dollar ice cream cone at 9 in the morning for your breakfast.

5) Don’t get depressed when you find yourself “in the red” every month – drink a bottle of wine and watch the Sopranos. Those people are way worse off than you. Actually, better yet, get a roommate who is as bad with money as you are to make you feel better about prioritizing beer over heat… or beer over paying bills… or beer over food… etc.

6) Steal. Restaurants practically expect their salt & pepper shakers to be stolen, so you might as well take those and whatever else is available. And really, what is your employer going to do with that bottle of ketchup after the company baseball hotdog party? Just take it.

7) Charge any clothing, housewares, car fixes or anything else you can’t afford on that credit card and don’t give it a second thought.

8) Every Sunday, cook pasta and mix with jarred sauce (*gasp*) for lunches during the week. However, if co-worker friends are going out for lunch, just say yes!

9) When you’re sick of pasta, host Girl-Dinners (dinner parties where everyone brings something) so everyone leaves the leftover food at your house to eat during the week.

10) Go “food shopping” whenever possible at your parents’ cupboards.

If your bar has a regular person who comes in every weekend (or every day), acts a little weird, but also exists as a sort of mascot for your bar… would it be considered bad or good for business?  I, personally, enjoy the regular. And I’m not talking about old, weathered men who are lonely and belly up to the local pub and look depressed. I’m also not talking about the chatty, overweight fellas like Norm and Cliff who enjoy a pint at their regular spot after a long day of work. I’m talking about the regular who is highly entertaining, who everyone ADORES and who absolutely marches to the beat of his own drum. If your bar has a regular such as this… does it mean your place is kind of seedy? Probably. Does it mean your place is fun? Absolutely! A reputable establishment is totally overrated – bring on the regulars!

Gorton’s Gone Bad
Where do you find a regular such as what I’ve described? I’ve encountered a few so far in my 11 years of legal drinking. The first that I can recall is when Weytown had their own Indian-themed (full-out Aladdin couches and such) night club located in an old mall up the street from my house. This mall was not like the huge malls we have today and not quite a strip mall… more like funky little mall made of cement that had a sweet fountain in the center of all its discount stores. The “night club” was creepy as Hell and I only went a few times. Each time, there was this old timer that would shuffle his way onto the dark, dismal dance floor and try and make it with the ladies. He looked like the Gorton’s Fisherman gone bad… definitely on drugs… and really, really f-ing old. But, hey, the ladies seemed to like him and must have found his sad, staggering dance endearing.

Maurice!
The second I can recall is by far my favorite. Just thinking about him makes me want to visit the ‘Ville and give my man, Maurice, a big hug (and surely get his sweat all over me). Maurice frequents the bars near where I used to live with RB back in the ‘Ville. We first met him on trivia nights at Magoon’s where he would watch sports and cheer (loudly) for the opposing team. I don’t know why he didn’t like to cheer for Boston teams, but we thought that THIS was his gimmick… we were wrong. We then spotted him at the Tavern down the road and that’s really where the magic happened. He goes there every weekend and is almost always wearing a sports jersey. Maurice is a gifted dancer. Now that I think of it, I bet he was severely devastated at the death of Michael Jackson. The DJs would put on Billie Jean just for Maurice and he did a sort of choreographed number while the crowd circled around and cheered. This had to be good for business, don’t you think? JBP and I danced with him a couple of times and he gave us some quick lessons on how to move like Michael Jackson. And who could forget the DANCE OFF between Blair and Maurice?! Blair was no match for the stylings of this famous regular. I would say that some of my best memories of that year took place at the Tavern… mainly due to Maurice’s presence, of course. :)

Yellow Fellow
The most recent regular that I’ve come to learn about is the one they call “The Yellow Man.” I’m guessing that he must have worn yellow a lot to get this name, but not sure. (He definitely doesn’t resemble Curious George’s “Man in the Yellow Hat” – so don’t get confused.) I first laid eyes on this man at the Blues Festival at the Marshfield Fair. He was just this small, elderly man with a long beard, loudly colored shirt, crazy hat and those “fun” over sized sunglasses. He was dancing like a loon between all the benches of seated people. Mum was dying to dance with him, but alas her bad knee would not allow. She urged me to dance with him, but I felt it was not the right time since I was sort of on a 2nd date at the Fair with NF. Plus, this dude looks batshit crazy and really no one else was dancing (unless you count children). Anyway… last Saturday, the family came together at the “night club” of Marshfield where people eat Chinese food in one room and then bust a move on the dance floor to a (terrible) cover band in another. It was my sister and brother-in-law’s 25th wedding anniversary. Upon arriving to the music room, my brother-in-law notified me that “The Yellow Man” was here and pointed at the elderly gentleman who I recognized from the Fair. He was dancing, of course, in his own weird, little way. The ladies immediately flocked around him like seagulls on an abandoned lunch at the beach. It was odd to watch. I mean, at least Maurice is young and relatively attractive. I meant to ask my brother-in-law why he has the name of The Yellow Man, but it’s probably better that I don’t know… gives him that element of *mystique.* I wonder if other establishments in the Marshfield area give The Man in Yellow a forum to showcase his dance moves and hit it with the ladies? Or would they think a man like this would be bad for business? I don’t think I’d want The Yellow Man at my bar… he has a weird vibe that’s not like the good natured Maurice. I wonder if he ever gets unruly and starts tipping over furniture and grabbing women inappropriately… I’ll keep you posted if I see him again. I seem to be hanging out in Marshfield a lot lately so the odds are in my favor.

Do you have a fun regular that frequents a bar or bars in your area? Does he creep you out or do you LOVE him? Is it a combination of both? Do you feel like he’s sort of a celebrity in your community? Have you ever encountered a regular that was FEMALE? Are YOU the regular in your community?  Inquiring minds want to know… feel free to use the comment link at the top of this post!

Long live the creepy, fun regulars in bars everywhere!

I’m gearing up for a trip to the ‘Cuse this weekend to visit my friend and former roommate, RB. I’ve successfully strong-armed her via fb to host a game night on Friday night and then Saturday will be a big event: The NY State Fair. I’ve never been to the NY State fair, but I hear it’s a massive estate of epic proportions. And all the food is deep fried. And they have something called WINE SLUSHIES and sculptures made of BUTTER. This may be the new location where dreams come true (no longer Ocean State, MD). As you can conclude, I’m pretty excited to check it all out, as well as visit with my “kindred spirit” RB, in addition to HEKD, Double D and little “Bateman” (not to be confused with “Batman” who has long since been out of the picture). I’m hearing that other Syracuse friends will be poking in here and there during our weekend plans to say hello and visit with the Boston kids. I can’t wait to see every one!

I’ve just completed a little August hiatus from the gym. The week before my vacation, I didn’t feel like going (or working, really) so I was definitely Minimum-Effort-Girl that week. Then of course there was the week OF my vacation, of which there was no way in Hell I was going to ruin my week off with exercise. Then there was the recovery week after my vacation when Minimum-Effort-Girl returned. Then I pulled my neck (SO F-ING BAD) at my sister’s house that weekend when I had to catch her bunny who had escaped. That little furry jerk made me run through four neighbor’s yards before finally catching him and spasmed out my neck so hard that I saw stars. So there was another week I stayed away from the gym. But this week, I made my triumphant return and it really wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. Tonight, I decided not to overdo it with another session on the PRECOR AMT 100i right before my trip and instead took a 30 min. walk through the neighborhoods.

It’s such a nice night out and it’s been absolutely perfect all week. I love this weather for every day living and super hot for vacation. It seems there is a full moon out tonight as well. I walked down KDM’s old street and remembered my driving instructor teaching me how to back up in a straight line on that road. I remembered picking up Kerri at her house. And how could I forget the memory of the day I went to drive her home and hydroplaned into the bushes! Good times. I also walked around my own neighborhood and remembered all my classmates who lived in all those houses… One is married to KDM’s old neighbor, one works at the Old Navy at Patriots Place (and is a fb friend), one I believe lives in Texas, one lives in AZ and I don’t know what happened to MDavis or MLyons… and there are others.  And here I am all left behind in the ol’ neighborhood. But the weather is nice so all is good. You can even smell the ocean tonight. For the past two days, I’ve spent my lunch hour at Wollaston Beach with a delicious salad. It’s not too windy or too hot to sit on the sea wall, so I quite enjoyed it. Of course, it was not so enjoyable when I got back in my car and my arm dipped into wet seagull poop on my seat. It’s a good thing I have napkins and half-drank water bottles in my car for cleaning. I’ll have to remember to shut the sunroof while dining on the sea wall.

I’ve just decided to pack for Syracuse tonight because I have a DATE tomorrow night. And not just a regular date… a THIRD date. Kind of nutty, right? Through the past 17 months of singleness, there has been no sign of this elusive phenomenon called a third date. There has been a bunch of first dates, one second date and a handful of experiences that we will just call “gray areas.” And now here it is before me, an actual 3rd date. This guy is VERY nice and behaves like such a gentlemen. This behavior is admittedly blowing me away. LK does not meet nice guys. LK attracts weirdos and scumbags. He treats me with such a high regard than what I’m used to… I really didn’t think there were any respectful men left in my age group. Speaking of age… he turns 30 next month, which means he’s a couple of years younger. Mum told Dad that he was a younger man and Dad says, “Oh! She’s a Cobra!”  He meant to say “Cougar” but got so excited at the prospect of sounding hip and cool, he said the wrong word. No worries, Dad, Cobra works too. :)

It’s been a rough week or so for ol’ LK and I apologize for the delay in updating the bloggo. Stress has been hitting me all around and I just haven’t been feeling much like writing any posts. Everytime I think about writing something, the posts are highly negative and no one wants to be invited to any of my pity parties. I also don’t want to call people out since I’ve now gone public… but since I’ve received a comment from r*becca where she has shown her displeasure about the lack of updates… here is your highly negative, finger-pointing, woe-is-me post from yours truly. You can thank her at your convenience.

When I am sad or frustrated, I try to do what others say you should do and “work it off” at the gym. Does this even work? I’ve been running on faith that it does, but I’m really thinking that it only adds to my current disfavor with life. My poor body is not like most and doesn’t respond too well to the sort of exertion needed to compensate for “working off” anger, anxiety or general depression. I also find it hard when stressed to obtain that ‘umph’ needed to create that fervent, climb-the-stairs-like-Rocky kind of energy. Maybe I need to like exercise more.

For example, last Monday someone asked me what happened with a guy I had gone out on a “friend date” with a month or so ago and I told her “not much” and then she asked what happened with the apt. I looked at and I told her “it was a dump that I couldn’t afford.” The next day (that would be Tuesday for all of you who only half-read these posts), a different someone asked me why my last relationship didn’t work and I had to rehash it all and answer some questions that brought all the shit-tastic memories up to the forefront. Tuesday evening’s workout allowed me to be one with my depressing thoughts. How are people able to “work it off” with mere physical exercise when it’s clear that your life is so ultimately disappointing? If anything, these thoughts make me more listless or sluggish – like a Sloth. I bet the Sloth wishes for a better life like me – why else does he move so slow? I bet he lives with his parents. I wonder if the Sloth has friends who are all well-established with property, relationships and general contentment that he does not possess? If so, I think I’ve just decided that I was a Sloth in a past life. Regardless, I think I was able to rise above just enough Tuesday evening to still get a good workout and put it all behind me for the time being.

Then last Thursday my co-worker dinner companions completely forgot about me at the end of a difficult day (one of 5 politically-difficult and emotionally draining work days last week) and left for the restaurant without me. I decided to not show up by myself where they undoubtedly had already started ordering and instead brought my insignificant self to the gym to “work it off.” I got caught up with watching Van Hesling while on the PRECOR AMT 100i and figured it was okay to do 45 min. instead of my usual 30. I also did a series of arm and leg work on some weight lifting machines, which I rarely do. When I came home to my usual lonely dinner in the dark kitchen, my body was shaking and I couldn’t stop sweating. Clearly, I was trying to beat out the self-loathing inside and overdid it just enough to ruin my outside. Mum came downstairs to chat and then the phone rang. (It’s been busy at my house with her leg manipulation procedure, a broken dryer and her ex-boyfriend passing away.) While she talked on the phone I figured some piano playing might calm the aches and shaking. After an hour, I realized my face was as sweaty as when I first came home, my breathing was strained and my back was slowly snapping in half. I went to bed with no shower and woke up really sick on Friday. On Friday afternoon, I decided that salads every day may be contributing to the weakness I had been trying to overcome all morning. I needed something hearty to stick to my bones. So after weeks of nothing but healthy food, I ordered a meatball sub w/provolone and an order of french fries. By the afternoon, when I was receiving more work that would require me to stay until 7 p.m., my stomach was struggling with the task of digesting this abomination of a lunch. It was not pretty.

I haven’t been to the gym since, nor have I eaten any more volatile meals. Since I have crossed these things off my list of awful things to do to myself, Saturday evening I went back to some old standbys of drinking too much. Now that we have once again placed my self worth alongside the price of moldy fruit, it’s time to tackle life again – hopefully with a better disposition. So forget “working it off” at the gym, you need to lash out in acts of self destruction before feeling better. Trust me on this.

This Friday begins a wondrous vacation (or Wey-cation since I will mostly be hanging out in Weytown if the weather doesn’t cooperate). It’s the first time I will have taken a whole week off in about two years! I hope to take this weekend through Monday (maybe Tuesday) to spend at our family camp and gain some peaceful solace. Hopefully, I can see JBP and Mikey P. at some point during that time too. On Tuesday, I get to see a gum specialist that afternoon because apparently I need “scaling” in addition to surgery because I have gum disease. Yay for #5 gum pockets. Then a restaurant week dinner with some of my favorite girls that evening. I’m also going to fit in a day to see HEKD and the baby since it will be over 2 weeks since Nathan has screamed at me (far too long to go without that pleasure). Then Thursday evening, amr, bykfam and myself drive overnight to Ocean City, MD, for a fun-filled beach weekend with our Weytown honey, kdm. There will be rock ‘n’ roll, lying out in the sun and some boardwalk type attractions. All this fun seems an entire planet away from the dreary existence that is currently LK. But I guess this is what vacations are for… to escape to a different world that’s a whole lot better than real life.

If you haven’t skyped, it’s pretty fun. It’s like being in the future talking on TV screens to each other… but it’s laptops… which is fine too. Since RB lives in upstate NY, I don’t get to hang out with her as much as I’d like. Skyping is pretty close to an actual visit and a definite step up from phone calling (of which RB is not a fan of).  I’m not sure if this is specific to Dell, but we both have Dell laptops and therefore have these fun graphics that we can put on ourselves while we talk.  I’ve taken screenshots of a few of our conversations where we laughed and laughed at the graphics and posted here for your viewing pleasure. Click on each image to make larger. Enjoy!

If you’d like to see pics of me skyping on RB’s computer, click here. Yeah, we’re dorks who decided to simultaneously create skype posts to our blogs tonight. : )