smiling on foot

I sent this to a friend recently regarding someone we know’s recent (failed) endeavor of living independently. If only this person had come to me, I could have helped her situation with my experience, fo’ shiz. My friend suggested I post this list to the blog so everyone can learn from these tips and have more successful attempts at making it on their own. Because, after all, I am such an expert… <insert maniacal laughter here>. Perhaps this top ten list should really be named “Top Ten Tips on how to end up living with your parents to make up for your financial sins.” Here is a better version of the initial list I sent to my friend… the ketchup part is my favorite… hee hee. So reminiscent this week!

1) Charge your groceries and save your money for fun nights out and beer. The #1 golden rule is to never turn down a guaranteed fun night out because of $$. There are always credit cards to fall back on if need be.

2) Only eat french toast, grilled cheese, fried egg sandwiches and any other combination of bread, eggs and cheese for dinner for at least 2 weeks of the month. (at least.)

3) Don’t ever turn on the heat… electric blankets are okay… but if you can stay at the warmer parents, friend or boyfriend’s house on the weekends, it saves $$. (Plus, you can eat their food… and maybe even bring home leftovers.)

4) Charge any meals and even random morning ice cream cones at McDonald’s. They will gladly charge up a one dollar ice cream cone at 9 in the morning for your breakfast.

5) Don’t get depressed when you find yourself “in the red” every month – drink a bottle of wine and watch the Sopranos. Those people are way worse off than you. Actually, better yet, get a roommate who is as bad with money as you are to make you feel better about prioritizing beer over heat… or beer over paying bills… or beer over food… etc.

6) Steal. Restaurants practically expect their salt & pepper shakers to be stolen, so you might as well take those and whatever else is available. And really, what is your employer going to do with that bottle of ketchup after the company baseball hotdog party? Just take it.

7) Charge any clothing, housewares, car fixes or anything else you can’t afford on that credit card and don’t give it a second thought.

8) Every Sunday, cook pasta and mix with jarred sauce (*gasp*) for lunches during the week. However, if co-worker friends are going out for lunch, just say yes!

9) When you’re sick of pasta, host Girl-Dinners (dinner parties where everyone brings something) so everyone leaves the leftover food at your house to eat during the week.

10) Go “food shopping” whenever possible at your parents’ cupboards.